What is Perfection?

Did you know that the very idea of perfection annoys the hell out of me?

Let me explain: I’ve lived with a person who wanted nothing but perfection from me. If things don’t go perfectly, people around me get angry and destructive. There is no such thing.

I’m not perfect. Nothing is. Gods aren’t perfect, if you follow old mythologies on them. The very idea of perfection can’t  exist. because that means having no flaws, which for the human race, isn’t possible, and like it or not, we’re all fucking human.

You’re not perfect.

You’re not a god.

You’re not above anyone.

You’re someone trying to survive.

Be better than yourself, but never aim for perfection.  I don’t mean for this post to drag anyone down (especially after not posting yesterday)…but I’m telling you all–perfection as definition, is unobtainable. Something very hard I have to deal with in life these days.



After the Fact…

Hey everyone. To everyone in the U.S., Happy Late Patriot Day. Usually every year, I post a video/written post about what happened to the Twin Towers all those years ago, and about how it effected our country, and how it effected me as a child/adult (this happened when I was only 6 years old when this happened, anyway). However, yesterday was so busy and exhausting, that I ended up going to bed really early last night (a quarter to eight).

Anyways, an update on the whole computer situation: my old Toshiba that was a gift from my dad is now officially dead. It can’t run Windows 10, and I don’t have a copy of Windows 7. I already explained the harddive disaster, so I won’t go into that again, and as again, I’m still missing a couple essential programs (fucking Clip Studio Paint) that I don’t have the money to replace. Oh well. It could be a lot worse, anyways.

My husband and I are getting a new bed today, so I’m gonna be helping with that later on. I still have to reinstall some games from Steam (The Walking Dead) and reinstall the launcher for Yandere Simulator, but that’ll have to wait till later this week. This also means no KoB work today, most likely, and if there is any, then it’ll just be work on Ep#10. And on that note, I’ll see you all on Wednesday!


Reinstalling an Operating System on an external USB storage device erases all data previously existing on it (SERIOUSLY)



Okay, so to be honest, I’m not 100% sober right now. I’ve had a few drinks since I got home from work today (my normal time, for fucking once), and one more shot at dinner, but I started computer work on my old Surface AND Toshiba first (for the record, my Toshiba laptop is a Satellite brand, inherited from my dad. Not exactly “recently”) yesterday, very shortly after I discovered that my old Surface screen was “more than just a little messed up”. I pulled out the Toshiba I hadn’t turned on in about a year, and tried to update it with the very latest drivers.

I turned it off before I went to bed.

I woke up before work and started an updating process.

…It remained the same goddamn screen I left it at when I returned home from work 7 1/2 hours.

Tried to find a solution. Found one. Downloaded a media copy of Windows 10 onto an external hard drive I kept important files on.


I didn’t know it would happen, nor did ANY of the sites I visited STATE it would happen.




Thankfully, because I’ve been working off the Surface this entire time, a lot of files that were on the 1TB external drive were on the micro SD card in my Surface. The things that weren’t saved are personal documents (that I have in paper anyways), and maybe some music that my dad gave me.

…speaking of which, I have him to thank for getting me a new Surface Pro 3 so soon (I guess the screen was too messed up to salvage). After taking me and his girlfriend out to dinner, I was able to return to the tasks at hand with a semi-fresh mind.

…even while traumatized that so much data was lost.

But nevertheless, the status: my new Surface is up and running…though, I think the internal fan might be a bit wonky for this machine. But still, far better than nothing. However, my Toshiba…I decided to just do a total factory restore. It’s taking a long time, and dad admitted that it might not be able to run Windows 10…but I need a powerhouse to run my editing studios, and to back up KoB data and other project data onto the harddrive I had for it. Thanks to my brother, though, I might be able to recover some data that was on the external.

This…has been a stressful day. I’ve been frustrated, angry, impatient, and borderline bitchy the entire day. My mood started to lighten when I got off work and restarted my work on the computers…but now, I just remain tired, exhausted, and unsure. I…I’m missing some software from my Surface that I’ll have to pay for, again…but both of my credit cards are maxed out, and I haven’t taken out a loan yet to help pay for those…I…I have to keep moving forward. This is my dream…I have to keep doing this.


Muggy Friday

EDIT: Hey, so apparantally my screen is messed up a little more than I thought. Whenever I try to use the touchscreen, everything goes all haywire and I can barely get things straight. I restarted it and it didn’t come back on properly for a moment. While it was off, I saw that there’s actually four large cracks running throughout the damn screen. I can still use the mouse and type just fine…but drawing on it is out of the question, until I can get it fixed. Sorry, everyone.

Good evening, everyone. Posting a bit later than I intended to, but I figured if I don’t put up a post now, then I might not get to it tonight.

How does the title relate, you ask? Simple: it’s Friday (no Rebecca Black joke intended), and it’s muggy as hell up here in Michigan. And we have no air conditioner. Our housemates do, but my husband and I do not. How? Well, we we’re supposed to get one…but I guess that was a lie by our landlords (ugh, I don’t wanna go into problems involving the house and our landlords right now…).

Anyways, in case you guys didn’t notice, I spent a portion of the day giving my blog a slight redesign, including giving myself a temporary icon until I can find a better one. It’s not much, but my blog does look a bit nicer as a result.

Sadly, no KoB work or anything to show, but I did work on the runes earlier and I’m working on Ep#10 right now. Monday’s gonna be a bit busy and tiring, so I’m not sure if I can put up a post. Also, I accidentally dropped my Surface Pro 3 pen onto my Surface, and the top of the screen got kinda cracked (the pen landed PERFECTLY on the screen itself. It looks kinda nasty, but aside from some freezing problems with MSWord, nothing seems to be majorly wrong…fingers crossed.


Of Fairy Steps and Precious Imprints

Happy Hump Day, everybody! (yes, that was meant to be as dirty as it sounded) Work was a touch stressful today, but we pulled through it, and now I’m free to enjoy my weekend!

First off, I hope to stay up late tonight and maybe get some KoB work done…especially in regards to the runes I talked about yesterday. Today, however, I have a couple of things to show you today, the first being something cool I found growing in my backyard.

Fairy Steps.JPG

I call these Fairy Steps. They’ve been around for a while, but I haven’t seen them in person, yet, so I decided to whip out the camera and snap some photos. Maybe I’ll draw some fairies hanging out on these steps or something like that. Nature is fascinating, Ja?

This second photo is a little more personal for me. I took this shortly after getting my first tattoo a couple of weeks ago.


Sorry for the somewhat poor shot–I took this one myself.

This is the paw print of a cat I had for nearly ten years. Her name is Utah, and she passed away due to old age and possible feline leukemia last year. The week I took off to start this blog was also the week of the 1 year anniversary of her passing. My husband and I miss her everyday, but I feel like the tattoo gave me some closure…despite it being very painful to sit through. It was…tough. I never had a pet die before in my childhood, and being 21 and having to deal with the death of a pet for the very first time…it was hard. But life moves on. Never forget that, everybody.

…and yes, my back and shoulders really are that blotchy. I kinda like my spots though, so…I’m still proud to go sleeveless, especially now I have this beauty on my left shoulder. (Seriously, the artist did a perfect job recapturing the texture of her paw print. It looks even better now, now that it’s healed up properly.)

Anyways, I’m looking for a way to record game footage and what not. I’ve been playing through the Walking Dead video game lately, ad I feel like some of you would get some amusement out of watching me stumble through while tipsy/piss ass drunk.

Until Friday, everybody!


Late Labor Day Post

Sorry about not posting yesterday. Labor Day was very busy at my place of work, and when I got home, I was completely wiped out. I planned to eat, write a post, do some work on KoB, and then stream The Walking Dead game over Steam with a friend of mine. However, I got to the food part…and that was it. I laid down on the couch, put on a random anime in my Hulu watchlist (Food Wars. Not because it’s boring: when I put on a show to fall asleep to, that’s actually a sign that I really like the show itself), and the next thing I knew, I fell asleep. I didn’t wake up till 8pm. *sigh* Oh well. Work was better today, anyways. It was sort of busy, being the first day of school for my area. But at least I’m not completely exhausted. A little tired, but a little Pinnacle vodka will fix that.

Speaking of Keepers of Balance, I don’t have any pictures/screenshots to show you all. I’m sorry about that. The holiday weekend was long and difficult, and it left me rather…unprepared. So, instead, I’m gonna give you all a heads up about some things on working on in KoB:

  • In Keepers of Balance, the Keeper Order (an ancient order of men and women around the world who sought to keep Balance between Light and Darkness) had its own set of runes it used to communicate to other Keepers. Because the members of the three factions of the Order (Keepers, Seekers, and Scouts) are all spread out across the globe, it had to be able to be universal for every language. By the time KoB begins, the Keeper Order has fallen by the hands of the Traitor, and all evidence of the Order and their betrayal has been lost to time. Basically, the world keeps going on, and history proceeds much like the real world (a little more on this later). There was a big tome that translated all of the runes the Keeper Order had ever used. Much of that code has been lost, but the remaining Seekers (or rather, descendants of the surviving Seekers) have managed to recover and translate some of the runes. I have them written down on paper…but I need to put them in a digital format, so that way they’re immortalized.
  • I’m trying to finish up Episode #10, and finish off the Arc in general. Once I get Ep#10 sorted out, I plan on going over the Arc and polishing up the Episodes. I also have five Bonus Episodes for Arc 1 that I want to get to. Two of them are done, and I’ve been struggling with the third. If I can get all 15 episodes polished and edited, then I might be able to start publishing them on Amazon Books.
  • I plan on drawing one major scene from each Episode to put in the published edition as well. I also want to post them on here and on my deviantart page. …Yeah, my drawing skills do need work, but that doesn’t mean I can gather some concept art now.

I would like to actually be able to record a video or two and post it on YouTube. I will never be able to get them monetized, now, because of YouTube’s Newest Shit Show, basically killing one of my dream careers…godfuckingdamnit.

Anyways, I hope you all had a good and safe holiday, and once again, sorry for the late post. Still, I hope you all have a beautiful day, and I’ll see you all tomorrow.


Strange Keys and Weekend Plans

Hey all, I’m back again. Almost forgot it was Friday for a second. Anyways, not too much to say here, today, but going to the state fair tomorrow might prove to be a little more interesting.

Before that, though, here’s another couple of KoB related pictures (they’re both essentially the same…one just doesn’t have a background):

Rachael's Internal Key--no bgRachael's Internal Key--bg

I did these about a year or so ago, when I still had my HP Stream 2-in-1. That’s why the lines are so shaky. I still had Clip Studio Paint, but not a very good stylus.

Anyways, tomorrow. my dad is taking my husband and I to the State Fair. I haven’t been in a while, and of course I like spending time with them.