Automobile Aftermath

First things first: I’m fine. Niax is fine. Isura is fine. Annabelle is fine. We’re all fine.

…Well, fine in the sense that there are no major or severe physical injures. Mental, however…well, for me, that’s an entirely different story.

Here’s what happened: we had just left the house after setting off the bug bombs. We were traveling down the main road. When we got to a stoplight at an intersection, our light was green. Isura (who was the one driving) looked down for just a second to reach for a drink. Niax (who was in the passenger seat) was as well. I was sitting in the back seat, reading a novel off my phone and keeping an eye on Annabelle, who was in his carrier.

Suddenly, I heard Niax violently shout Isura’s name. Isura gave a started cry. Honking. Screeching.

Then a loud CRASH!!

All I saw was white. I was tossed in my seat, being yanked back and forth between my seat and seat belt. I could hear the airbags go off. Annabelle’s carrier was tipped on its side, wedged in between the seat and the back of Isura’s seat.

Then, everything was still for a moment.

I am kind of ashamed to admit that I instantly started to panic. Memories from another car accident I was in when I was a kid started rushing to the surface. I began to feel very trapped. I scrambled out of the car, my adrenaline and anxiety picking up to full speed. I ran to the front seat to check on Niax. The airbag punched Niax in the eye. It was all swollen and he could barely open it. The seat belt scraped against his skin pretty good, too. Annabelle was crying in the back seat. I unloaded the cat and helped Niax out of the car.

God, Isura’s car was a mess. The front bumper was completely knocked off. The hood was crumpled, and a piece of the other car got stuck in the windshield wiper fluid tank.

What I think happened (according to Isura anyways) was this: we had a green light approaching the intersection. He kept going. When he heard Niax shout, he snapped his head back up. The woman we hit had sharply turned in front of us. It was very close to becoming a “T-bone” accident.

As for me, well…I walked away with minor seat belt burn, but really sore and painful back and shoulders, as well as PTSD I haven’t had to deal with for several years now. I can still hear the screech and the crash. I’ve been in so much pain over the past 24 hours from the swelling that I could barely move. Hopefully the swelling will go down tomorrow to the point where I can actually work efficiently.

Anyways, obviously, I couldn’t get much writing done. The car accident yesterday kinda messed up a lot of our plans. And on top of that, we’ve been taking turns doing massive loads of laundry and we’ve started tackling the rooms one-by-one. I also need to take Annabelle to get a professional flea bath. I don’t think the shampoo I got for him is very good.

Anyways, I just wanted to throw out a quick update as to how I’m doing. I’ll talk to you guys after the weekend. Stay safe, everybody.



Getting it Back

This is gonna be a shorter post, mostly because I don’t really have too much to say, here.

I had the urge to read through and edit the new Episode #13 (used to be Episode #8). Between that, doing some reading (on the last of the Leverage novels I mentioned last time), and spending some time on other passing “projects”, I’ve gotten myself re-motivated to look back at Keepers of Balance. Episode #13 is honestly one of my favorite Episodes. I know I’ve gushed before, so I’ll try to avoid it for now, but it really captured what I wanted KoB to be like on an Episode-to-Episode basis.

Anyways, our time to bomb the house is coming very soon–hopefully this Thursday. So that means, depending on how the day goes, I might not get to a Thursday post this week. I’ll be sure to let you guys know on Friday what’s going on.

Anyways, regardless of what happens, I’ll talk to you all again on Friday.


Here, have a Drabble

Good evening, everyone. Hope y’all doin’ okay. Been doing okay. Cat’s been getting flea baths and we’re still dealing with Dylan’s loss, but we’re doing okay.

I still can’t get myself to work on KoB all that much. I decided to spend most of my day looking over other “projects” I had going on. Tweaked a few things there.

As I was looking through my SD card for a particular file, I found something I wrote a little while ago. I don’t remember if I even posted it onto here. Honestly, I don’t even remember writing it (I may have been a bit tipsy when I wrote it, though, so that would explain a lot…). I may have lost my nerve and decided not to post it. So I’m gonna slap it onto here, just in case I didn’t already put it up here.


When the End Came

I was in the shower when the world ended.

What I’m about to tell you is a hundred percent true, and is not an exaggeration in the slightest. It sounds strange—probably the strangest thing you’ve ever heard—but I’m telling you the truth when I claim that the world ended one cold winter’s night, as I was taking a hot shower, washing away the week’s dirt and stress.

I had my eyes closed, and I was obviously indoors, so I didn’t see any explosion, or blinding flash of light, or anything like that. Why were my eyes closed? Well, nobody likes shampoo in their eyes, and I was in the middle of deep, immersive thought. I was thinking about what everybody thinks about in the shower.

Work. Housework. Family. Passions.


The beginning of.

The end of.

How funny, I thought, as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, that we’re always told that life goes on, no matter what. No matter who or what lives or dies, life will go on.

So what happens when everyone dies?

Does everything stop?

Does everything keep doing?

Even now, as I remain here in the emptiness, I will never know the answer to that question.

Because I am no longer going on with life.

Just like everybody else.

How do I know everybody else died, and not just me?

To be honest, I don’t.

But I also strongly believe everybody lost their lives that night. I felt it, when I first felt myself floating here.

I can’t hear. I can’t see. I can’t speak.

I feel…cold.

When the end came, I had my eyes closed. A sudden rush of air that banged against my eardrums, feeling everything around me grow very hot, very quickly…

…And then everything became very still, and very cold.

And now I’m here. At the end. Wandering onwards, past the end, and into nothing. Past the back cover. Past the end credits. Past the midnight hour.

What now?

What’s next?



Please, let it be something.

I can accept death, I always have…

…but please tell me there’s something beyond this strange ending of mine.

Wait. What’s that?

I feel it…something in the distance.

What is it?

A new start?

A new cover?

A new beginning?

I come to it, something bright and warm piercing the nothing that served as my end, walking towards the bright, new beginning.

Thank you…

Thank you, for this something.

Thank you, for my beginning, beyond the end.


The original title was “Strange Endings”, but I felt like it didn’t really work anymore, so I changed it at the last second. I think I literally did come up with this idea in the shower, and then wrote it out over a glass. I actually like this one in a weird way. Not my best work, but I’m oddly proud of it. Then again, this is kinda what I think will happen when I die. Float around in nothingness for a bit before being reborn into someone/something else. Maybe a cat.

Anyways, that’s it from me tonight. I’ve got a bit of housework to do tomorrow and Annabelle needs another flea bath. I’ll talk to you all later~


A Week’s Passing

Hey, everyone…I’m back.

*crickets chirp*

…Ja. Business as usual.

This week has been…rough, emotionally and mentally. Moreso for Niax than me. I was kinda happy to step away from anything writing-related for a while…with one exception that I’ll gloss over in a moment.

It seems so…surreal. Just last week, I was typing up about how things were gonna happen with our doggo that might cause me to stop posting for a while…I didn’t expect it to happen the very next day.

I think you guys could tell from my Tweet and notice on Wed…the worst did happen. Dylan, our lovable dog, passed away on Wednesday, July 12th, 2017.

I mentioned in a few posts before about how Dylan’s health has been declining rapidly since we got back from vacation. We found him with fresh bite wounds, and he stopped eating around that point, too. Yes, we did have people trying to keep an eye on him, so he wasn’t alone…but it still shocks me that he declined so quickly when we got back. I also mentioned the numerous amounts of fleas we found on him. Well…a little too late to deal with that. Wednesday was supposed to be a normal, vet check-up (well…somewhat normal). However, according to Niax, when he woke up, he found Dylan totally unresponsive (even though he seemed fine when I left for work earlier that morning). He was having seizures. He had to be carried to the car. By the time my husband and his mother got there, the course of action was clear. Niax felt Dylan’s very last heartbeat.

I got the news at around 10am, via text. I had to step out from work. It came by too fast, and for me….the worst thing was that I didn’t get to say goodbye.

It sounds selfish, but I really wanted to be there. I felt like I needed to be there. Even now when I think about it…it still breaks my heart. I can–no, I do–understand that things happened fast for Niax, too, and he wanted me to be there as well…but, like with the difficult choice I made for Utah two years prior, things happened. We miss him every day. It’s been kinda hard for us to drop our habits involving Dylan. Well, I can’t speak 100% for Niax, but for me, it’s been a little more trying. I usually glance at the clock around 6-7pm, making a mental note to either remind Niax to feed Dylan, or for me to feed him myself. We’re also used to letting him outside the moment we get home (that’s when Niax would have his “after-work” smoke from his vape). I keep glancing over to his favorite couch, making sure he wasn’t biting himself too much. This morning, Niax and I looked over to the water dish to see that it was still pretty full. Dylan would drink a lot more than Annabelle. Just the small things.

Sometimes, the smallest things have the biggest impact.

But aside from not sleeping well, we’re doing okay…for the most part. Work has helped keep us distracted, and we usually try to keep each other company. I feel kinda bad about this, but I’ve been trying to take more care of Annabelle as a result. He got a flea bath on Thursday (supposed to be getting another one very soon), and I’ve been using the flea and tick comb I ordered. We’re also gonna treat ourselves a little this week: we’re scheduled to see Spiderman: Homecoming tomorrow.

I haven’t been able to work much on KoB at all. Everything I felt about the series seemed to evaporate at that point. I still think about it, but I’ve lost the will to work on it, for a time.

However, that doesn’t mean my creative thought has totally crashed (or that Keepers of Balance is cancelled).

I’ve been trying to keep myself inspired in some way/shape/form. Mostly drifting about YouTube videos reviewing/analyzing some shows/video games I have an interest in (whether love or hate). I watched a bit of an anime with Niax, and I picked up the only three published Leverage novels in existence. As I’ve gushed about before, I LOVE Leverage. I love the concept, I love the acting, I love the music, I love the writing, I love the characters and their interactions/motivations–I LOVE IT ALL. If I could find a way to express my love for this series in more ways than CapsLock/Bold/Underlines/Italics/all the above, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’ve actually been thinking about writing/recording a series where I talk about each episode in length–what I like, what I don’t like, what I can draw inspiration from, what I observe, that kind of stuff. I can’t call it a “review”…it’s way too biased. I will admit that because of my love for this show, I may tend to overlook some flaws that could make or break a show for some people. In turn, I love the Leverage novels that came out around 2010-2013. I highly suggest giving all three a read, regardless if you’re familiar with the show or not. They may be considered pieces of fan-fiction, but they were written and made with a lot of love. And that’s what I want to interject into Keepers of Balance the most. I’ll provide a list of each novel and author (if you care to look them up, which you should), embedded with a link of each to their respective links:

(This is in no particular order, by the way)

The Con Job: Matt Forebeck
The Bestseller Job: Greg Cox
The Zoo Job: Keith R. A. DeCandido

I’m currently on The Con Job–finished The Bestseller Job earlier this morning. They’re not very long reads–about 4hrs each. But, again, all recommended for light reads.

Anyways, I hope to get back into the swing of things soon. Revisiting one of my favorite novel series has helped a lot, and it helps that every passing day gets a little bit easier. For those who did show support in their own way, I thank and appreciate you. Looking forward to the next several blog posts.



Maybe I should just call these “Logs” or something…

Today wasn’t that bad. Actually, it was pretty smooth, for the most part. Actually, the only things that went wrong today was the fact that I was getting hurt (physically) a lot today. I sneezed earlier and hit my head pretty bad on a cooler door (right on a screw, too). Niax kept accidentally elbowing me all day, and I nearly had a plastic container fall on top of my head. I hit my head pretty hard, but I’m fine, for the most part. Just the usual after-work social exhaustion/hunger. And yes, I did just get home at the time of me writing this. I usually try to get started on these posts sooner than later, especially on a work day, because I know how tired I can get, and my tendency to fall asleep soon after getting home. It also helps me mellow out, and reset my brain from all the tedious, tiring social-people-stuff-I-have-to-do. I used to do the same thing when I was in school–I would come straight home and eat and usually hop on the PC. Plus, it was usually just me and my mom by that point. I had friends, but we usually didn’t hang out for too long after school, and if we did, they would just come over to my place, since it wasn’t even a block away.

Anyways, for the time being, the splicing is more or less done. Now I just have to fill in the gaps and edit some more, obviously. I’ve kinda been working on Episodes #2 and #3 simultaneously. It’s been easier for me, mostly because they did swap places. Other than tweaking some plot lines for other Episodes and gathering ideas from all sorts of different sources (as well as getting back into Diablo III), things have been progressing in my usual slow pace. I’m trying to keep myself as calm and collected as possible. I also have to reconnect with my possible school to see what my status is. So with all that said and done, I’mma get some food and get some writing done. Have a good day, guys.


Sunday Something-or-Other

Wow. I dunno if it’s the amount of stress and emotional bullcrap me and the hubbs have been going through (more on that later) or whatever, but I have remembered the reason why I usually try to avoid posting on the weekends. Not only because I usually don’t get much KoB work done on the weekends (despite my best efforts to stay awake after I get home), but also because weekends are usually longer, and more draining on all levels. Ever so often I’ll have an interesting Saturday post (and rarely a Sunday one) but I feel like it’s kinda wasted due to my fatigue.

Above, I mentioned that I usually don’t get too much KoB work done on the weekends. That, sadly, holds true for this week. Today is the first day I’ve turned on my Surface since Friday. However, I discovered when I got home today (which was less than half an hour ago, by the time this post goes up), that I had left both my wireless keyboard and mouse on over the weekend. Oops. Both still work, obviously, but not good for battery life…

Anyways, real quick. I wanna bring up something only because it may interfere with my posting schedule. And because I know a few of the people who read this (and because I yap too damn much), I’m gonna keep it brief (although they may already know what’s up). Our lovely, wonderful, kinda dumb but kinda sweet dog has hit “that stage”. When Niax and I returned home last Thursday, we found him in a pretty bad state, and he hasn’t been able to recover since. Since then, he hasn’t really eaten much, is much less active, and even has a hard time going up and down stairs and beds. We’ve made an appointment with a vet, but…we fear that his time is coming soon. Niax is trying hard to come to grips with things (he…doesn’t handle grief well), and I’m trying to be there for him, keep calm and collected myself, find time to write, deal with work, staving off past memories of my dearly departed cat, trying not to strangle the thing closest to me, dealing with shitty attitudes almost every fucking hour of every fucking day-!!

*takes deep breath*

…It’s stressful. I love our doggo. Not as much as Niax does, but I’ve known him for almost as long as I’ve known Niax. I’m not a fan of dogs, but I do have a fondness for our fuzzball. So I’m trying to remain calm and level-headed, for the sake of our wonderful puppy and my wonderful husband. So, when the time comes, I may be taking off a few days or so to try to help Niax cope with it all.

Aaaand with that said, I’m off. Wish us luck, and with any luck, I’ll talk to you all on Monday!