I just wanna jump right into a topic that I KNOW I’ve covered before: me and my weird-ass dreams.
I’m sure you all remember about that one post I did about a pair of particularly odd (and somewhat traumatizing) dreams I’ve had in the past. Whilst I don’t remember a ton of details, I still remember large chunks of the dream, and I usually go back to that post to re-read what had happened.
There’s usually a few common occurrences that almost always happens:
- I see/interact with people I know (family, friends, co-workers, people from my past, etc)
- I somehow end up in my childhood home (either it starts there, ends there, or returns there no matter what)
- Doors (usually a specific one in my childhood home–the front storm door is usually the culprit) usually have a hard time staying locked. I usually go to lock a door, turn around, then I usually discover in some threatening way that the door was somehow unlocked
- I usually end up fighting in these dreams. Since I’ve learned how to take control of my dreams, I always end up fighting. The opponents range from faceless grunts, to monsters, to even people I knew. Hell, I still recall one dream when I had to fight against my mother!
- These dreams usually involve either me trying to break out of something, or people trying to break into my house. It’s becoming increasingly more frequent
I’ve said a few times that I have been learning to control my dreams more. What do I mean by that? Well, usually, what “dream” me will do/is doing. I usually let myself go along for the ride. It’s like…playing a video game. You have the cut scenes–the moments when you can’t control your character, then you have the segments that you can control your character. Throw in some quick-time events (and maybe even a dialogue selection or two), and voila! A decent analogy of what my dreams are like. Take that to all the elders who said that video games couldn’t teach me anything! They not only taught me pacing and plot development, but they also taught me how to lucid dream and still be able to have control over my actions!
…But sometimes, even the best game systems glitch out. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can’t control my dream-self. It hasn’t led to me dying (dream-wise), but it has put me in a few rough spots. Sometimes, though…when I least expect it…I become a goddess in the dream. That which here means, I can control any goddamn thing I want to. I can even make myself dream something else entirely, right in the middle of my current dream!
…huh, maybe that’s why I have such a hard time remembering my dreams.
Granted, I usually don’t remember these segments, and sometimes it happens when I wake up then go back to sleep. As a kid, I knew somebody who was able to be woken up in the middle of the dream, then fall back asleep to pick up right where he left off! I used to be envious of this ability. I actively tried to learn how to do this, but gave up after several months. Now, fast forward nearly a decade-and-a-half later, and I can somehow do it almost at will!
…Again, almost. It doesn’t work all the time.
Now, this…dreaming vividly thing does have some drawbacks…the biggest being they can trigger my anxiety or depression. It’s even worse when something in the waking world rattles me, yet I have no clue as to why. It happened on Tuesday. We got some new lights installed in the front, and I don’t know what it was about them…but it sent my anxiety through the roof. It got better as the days went on and the sunlight balanced out the harsh, unnatural white light inside, but it still mystifies me to this day: why did those lights trigger me so bad?
Damn, I forgot to ask my boss what kind of lights they were.
Well, I do have a couple of theories on this:
- I do have a memory from my past that I could tie those lights to…I’m not going to go into any details, but I do remember a similar color and brightness in the bathroom in a therapist’s office.
- I have seen harsh, white lights such as those in some of my more…upsetting dreams/nightmares before. I can’t exactly remember from where, but…still…they feel familiar…
Now, a question I’m sure some of you are probably itching to ask me right now: “Why do you care? They’re just dreams. Isn’t your waking life more important?”
Well, yes and no. As I’ve discovered in the past, dreams can give us important insight into our past, present, and future. It can help us realize–and even face–our greatest fears and hangups. I also agree that you shouldn’t let a dream stop you from going on about your day-to-day life…but it’s also important to recognize when they do start to have an impact. Don’t obsess over them, but don’t totally ignore them. Balance is the key, much like with everything in your life.
Speaking of balance, I’ve been doing some more revisions and have even been looking into changing the name. Also been thinking about calling them “Guardians” instead of “Keepers”. Mostly because Guardians sounds cooler.
Anyways, I hope you all have a good night, and if I see you in my dreams, uhhmm….I’m sorry?